Wednesday, June 8, 2011

posting NOT for the faint of heart... only Passionate People who Crazy love Jesus and those who think that we're INSANE because we love Jesus

Two years and two million ways closer to Jesus today. Yep, we've just crossed over our two years of service mark here in Guatemala serving our Lord in a "foreign" country. For this family of 8.. it has been foreign... I'm not even talking about Guatemala ! I'm talking about getting on a plane with 21 rubbermaid tubs, 3 hiking backpacks, 3 people who are teenagers. Having sold our home, our business, cars, appliances, school books.... there was no going back. I can still remember the look in Davids eyes as ours met at one point on the plane... both of our eyes were FILLED with "what have we done?"There we were feeling so EXPOSED to our own emotions... we couldn't even discern between giddy joy of starting a new journey and shear fear of the unknown on so many levels. We DID HAVE the faith of a million people who sent us out and the word of God that he would NEVER leave us NOR FORSAKE us and so here I sit typing with all of my soul that GOD IS faithful, friends are worth far MORE than money, I have a spirit of I CAN and WILL do this (whatever it is) and come out STRONGER, my husband carries out his role of protector with a zeal that is entirely new and husband with romance that we just had simply misplaced in the business of our "former" life... We are NEW . We are different. We have CHANGED. I feel closer to "alien" as my heavenly father calls me in His word and .... it feels GOOD . I have new SKIN. I have almost lost a son to illness, I have almost lost my husband (:) .. not many know that one ) to VERY sudden and praise God swift illness that nearly took him home to be with the Lord almost a year ago this summer.. I have hiked a volcano, I have carried a dying child partially down a volcano on a home made stretcher made from sticks and a warmup PRECIOUS and FAITHFUL friend Marty praying right behind me giving me the strength to keep up with 3 other men who were "totin' " too.... I have eaten soup with bugs in it and drank juice with DEAD flies for floaties in it, I have gone embarrassing amounts of days without a shower, I have taken a hotel room just to stand under a HOT HOT shower without worrying about running out of it or it costing me a fortune, I have fed a family of 8 in a home without a stove for 2 months time, I have been almost a year 1/2 getting up at 4:30 ish to spend time with Jesus because I have been CRAVING his voice, DESPERATE for his delight in me, STARVED for the warmth of his breath crawling up the side of my face as I lie to him saying that I STINK as a mom of teens, ( smile :) ... we've all been there - pretty sure) , I have witnessed killings, had to drive past guns going off inside closed cars with people in them... I have gone from not being able to ask for a bathroom, to being able to share my faith and the gospel of Jesus just 2 weeks ago for the first time with a shop owner !!!! ( BIG stuff) ... wow... I could go on but I 'm pretty sure that some of you are still stuck up there with almost losing Cooper or David and me not sharing it... and it's okay... this is a place for me as much as you and for the gal who stumbles across here wondering where is God for me? Who is God? Why in the WORLD wouldn't you just come "home" ... and to myself I say... well done girl ! Go BIG or Go Home... If God is going to pull me and my family into this upside down state of living at times then let's go... I'm committed, I'm trusting, I 'm  UTTERLY and DEEPLY in love with you Jesus ... CRAZY for the goodness, hurt , disarray that following you can bring... sometimes this place leaves me standing in the dessert and then when I think my skin is going to peal back from the depth of the burn I can quickly go to the place of remembering it is SON BURN>>> you hover me Jesus . You burn bridges before me Lord... you pursue, hunt down, devour my enemies and though they are about me..they cannot TOUCH me ... you Lord alone bring the rain amongst dry desert dirt... you cause my face to SHINE Jesus! Yeshua !  And for the gal who just stumbles across this post and you're hurting , lonely , lost and/ or discouraged.... Go Big or Go Home ! Your world is small and your neighbor or person sitting across from you in the coffee shop where you may be reading this PROBABLE knows God, has a Bible for you to read, maybe a church to plug you in to sift "stuff" , haha ...i dare say that they may be wondering how to approach you and you would turn their world upside down to mention to them that they appear "different" to you... so basically, ask...leave your place in this blog and find someone to ask.. ask them if they think you're crazy for questioning. If God can bring me to a place of losing fear to a truck full of grown men totin' machine guns while laughing histerically from the back of a truck to a place where tomatoes from my market with little teeth marks make me shutter in far more fear... he wants to lavish you with the luxury of resting in a bath of truth ... our God reigns, your world is temporary and the day you are having MAY happen again tomorow but grabbing someone to pray for you ... with you ... oh , sweet soul... it's like lemon-aid on the the forth of July , a big shade tree in the middle of a summer day.... Go ahead... go... Go Big !!!! God did.. he gave the only son that he had ... for you sweet friend~