Thursday, August 12, 2010

Honesty ....



Today, I am sending flowers to myself. I'm sure that I'm not alone in having seasons in life where you hurt deeply, feel lonely and just overall insecure in who you are and what you do as a parent, wife..in my case ... overseas servant of the Lord. I have battled blogging, posting , calling, writing anyone who could give an ear and honestly, sometimes some things in life are just to deep and personal for such a broad scope of expectation on people to understand... David tells me that people are still reading our blog... i wonder who those very patient people are (smile) ... I am grateful for you all... 


And so today I am sending flowers to myself. My flowers represent the beautiful in life. They represent the hope that rises from ashes. The beauty of color that contrast with dark days. They represent life to it's fullest and most profound days that we are given. I am certain that there must be a reason to be in a new country with new EVERYTHING and to recline alone in the arms of those you've been with everyday and the arms of Jesus alone. As I type that .... I have to wonder why would I desire to go anywhere else? 


For so long I think that I have not been able to really cry for the growing pains that we have walked , run , hiked and drudged through. I can't help but think that if I start I may never stop and where is the beauty in that? I read this morning of Jesus crying out to the Lord to let his cup pass from him and yet if there was no other way then so let it be... Lord, I want that to be my greatest victory in trial.... that I would come to the place in life where even though I am dreadfully discouraged, afraid or  alone I would find solace and comfort in the hour that you bring me to total surrender ... that in realizing my cup does not hold for the moment the things of great joy, energy and excitement that i would still accept, drink and rise again to say with confidence .... i don't want this Lord. I don't like this Lord...but if it has to be... so be it. Knowing that my sweet Jesus has flowers and victory waiting for me... and since he is the cultivator of life, the gardener of all roses... I can be confident that EVERY flower in Guatemala has been given to me... How much more beautiful they will be also if I receive them the very day that my savior returns for me and this life is vanished and I am surrounded by the beauty of Jesus that this life has not yet depicted to me ...even in the most beautiful of nature. 

I would covet your prayers for strength in difficult days, rest from the aches of sadness, energy and focus to continue to serve my family when I'd just rather sit down and cry. Thank you for not needing the "what in the world are you talking about " from me. You are all family to me and to us all. It takes a great deal of love, believing and appreciation for honesty to go before the throne for a brother or sister. Therefore, my flowers are for you too today..... if you are aching and needing Jesus to sit with you and hold on to you so that you are not able to run I am praying for you today. If you have been asked to drink from a cup that you know is bitter and unwanted by others and with great confidence you know that your father has asked this of you... drink and know that you aren't alone... loneliness, discontentment, pain and insecurity are not ours to hold onto.... but instead, confidence, strength, contentment in trial and companionship are ours . Choose it!  I am ... thank you for your ears today. May we all see life today as a beautiful bouquet of flowers...the good, bad and the unwanted. 


Love to you all from Guatemala,
m









11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sweet friend, you are not alone, for sure God is in control. But, in a very human way you are not alone. There are so many people who suffer daily with these issues. I am so thankful you have the hope and assurance in Christ. And, the courage to be honest with your blog world about it. I have found that just speaking the truth of whatever it is sometimes it diminishes its stronghold or power over me. I am praying that this is the case with you.

I instantly thought of this verse from Psalm 30:5b
"weeping may remain for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning."

Anonymous said...

It's me,again. I'm about to head to bed. I'm tired...first day back to school for everybody. I worked hard, today. I still need to work hard for about 2 more weeks straight. Then, our house might be back in order.

So, this afternoon, I looked up at my calendar. It was still on July. When I turned it to August and saw the verse, I knew it was to share with you.

NIV : Romans 12:12
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

NLT : Romans 12:12
Rejoice in or confidemt hope. Be patient in trouble, ad keep on praying.

Ms. Tomi said...

Big M with your heart of gold.

You are so loved by all. I could hug you until you cry; because
L O V E flows from your words. I'm sure I can never know your loneliness in being so far from family and dear friends; however we can be in a room filled with love and be totally alone.

We are all just a speck in God's eyes and He loves us and would also give us all the flowers for a job well done in His name. All of you their deserve a garden full.

I feel the same as another writter when thinking of your words. Psalms 30:5 DANCE, SING and REJOICE.

Much deep love for each of you.

PS: Remember the smell of apple
cider in the fall and winter.

.......TMc

Robin said...

Melinda,
I read your blog on a regular basis. We lift your family up in prayer on a regular basis. Your picture is on my refrigerator, just above the water/ice so I am reminded daily of you...but yet all of that seems so miniscule...a drop in the bucket, so to speak, in comparison to what you must be going through. I just cannot fathom what you must feel on a daily basis. I can't feel that and I would be lying if I said I could...But I do know One that feels your lonliness, your discouragement, your hurts, your insecurities and He has not forgotten you. Remember that when you gaze at your flowers...a reflection of His glory can be seen in that beauty. And remember that there are a lot of people that you don't even know that are lifting you up to the Father everyday! Love from our family to yours...

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing! I have been discouraged and a aching for best friends in the last several days. It was good for my heart to hear yours. I am thankful for you! Sending lots of love from Hungary.

Warden's said...

Love you friend!

Amy Davis said...

You are not alone, sweet friend! Thanks for the flowers! :) Email me soon to give me an update on your plans for later this month. Love you!

Jennifer said...

I had you on my heart so much today. Then I logged on and read this post. Sweet friend. wish I could hug you. Since my arms aren't that long I will pray instead.

Happy Anniversary!

Jennifer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nicole and Narindra in Madagascar said...

Melinda,
When I read your post I tried desperately to hold back the tears. It has been a rough last couple of months for me here. I have been praying for great friends here that I can share with, and experience GOD with and this post just hit the spot.

What a great idea in sending flowers to yourself - as a single I should try that, or ask GOD to help me be creative in representing the HOPE that only He can show me.

After being here in Madagascar for over a year and now on my 9th language teacher in less than that many months I am struggling to see why GOD would have taken me from all I knew and loved in Ca and put me here so out of reach from so many, to experience heart ache like never before.

I understand on a different level, I am sure, the desire for prayers, for rest from the aches of sadness and energy to focus on the WHY GOD MADE ME for this place and this time.

The other day I was crying out to HIM in my journal and signed it "your butterfly" because of the great example of change that they go through from slimy worm to beautiful, intricate and delicate Butterfly... The next day He showed me two that I have not ever seen before. I know He is real and he hears us.

Thanks so much for sharing your heart and allowing mine to break alongside of yours looking for that beauty in the ashes to imerge.

Ashley said...

I love you. :) Praying for you every day.