Hummm...have you had those moments that come from nowhere and punch you in the gut ? It takes a while... A while to pull all of the energy back,your focus,purpose, direction and largely your PERSPECTIVE . Well, that's where I've been. September the 12th I typed out a mission to become current and photographically delivering again on our blog. With fresh vision that I had lacked for quite a while , I was committing to turn over a new leaf ...probably in respects to it being fall now in the states...I dutifully typed out my beginning post,hit the send button and received a skype call. The call was actually typed out and so there I was ....coffee,committed to better communication ,feeling pretty good about myself for follow through and read.....Have you heard about "dear friends" (names absent intentionally) ? No...! My first thought was the great ugly "D" word.. Divorce...no...not them too...Man!seriously Satan! .......typed back was..... " dear friends daughter was killed yesterday in an ATV accident....no details yet . Can you HEAR the pause ? Can you FEEL the vomit ? Oh God... Seriously?
A very generous gift was given to me... Two actually...My husband shewed me out the door for the next week to act on the other gift that was given me which was the ticket to be a part of......a piece of a family forever changing. Equally as beautiful but in the middle of the most intense pain I have ever witnessed personally. The LAST word they would ever chose would be "beautiful" ....I know...but they were and are. I don't know how two people and their son could give someone back to God more beautifully than they have.
Perspective piece : I can hear some now.... THIS is your Jesus? Who takes the life of a 15 year old girl only hours after arriving home from CHURCH ? Yes. THIS is who you radically and emotionally give your life over to ? This is the one you trust your children to?yes.
Sitting on the porch for a three day gift of time was sitting with Jesus for me.yea,yea...but HE killed her. He, your Jesus, snuffed a life of only 15 years...that's not fair! On ANY level.....to which I say," you are EXACTLY right! There is not one fair thing about it. But my decision, I will only speak for myself....I can and will stand on that, my decision to follow Jesus was a committment birthed out of rescue, redemption. It was not birthed out of a misguided idea that JESUS will rescue me from " life".... I make those decision...the "life" choices .... But who will carry me through this vommit causing,anger inducing ,head swimming madness of a life no longer here but there? Who? Everything else in front of me expired....my ticket to get home.... expired.The day light hours to sit at the feet of my precious friend.... expired, the coffee pot with it's false sense of energy.... expired,the time that I could allow being away from my children and husband.... expired.......ALL of it! Every earthly "out" of the hurt expired on me. A sweet friend gave me a CD by Ann Graham Lotz called Just Give Me Jesus. Water. Spiritual,eternal,thirst quenching ,madness raging squashing WATER......rescue.my answer for the furry...JESUS. Yes! Just give me Jesus ...." you can have ALL this world...just give me Jesus.". RESCUE.
Precious one reading this post....are you aching? Vommiting? Trying to function amongst the most intense pain you have ever known...known to man? I beg you to find a spot and say out loud....someone...ANYONE.....Give me Jesus! The beautiful thing is...well, ONE of the beautiful things is....you don't physically have to search out the "someone".just call out and he will come... I put my life on it AND the lives of my children. Precious person....you simply can't go wrong with JUST JESUS.
My love to you all and in regard to every hurt being endured today, may you find the pain being caressed,massaged ,stroked and cared for the one who answers to.....just JESUS.
M.E.
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